[she catches him at the perfect moment, while Eddie's in a painkiller coma. he scoots into the bathroom and half-closes the door, so he won't wake Eds, but the he can still hear if the poor guy wakes up and calls for him]
Oh my God. I'm better than dead, I'm so much better than dead.
[he lowers his voice a little just in case]
He's here. Eddie. For real.
[even saying it out loud to someone else is making him choke up. fuck. how is he ever going to keep his stupid giant fucking heart under wraps at this rate?]
Yeah. Yeah. He showed up ... well. It must have been right after he got attacked. He's still hurt pretty bad. They have to keep him here a couple more days. But ... you saw how bad I freaked out at everything. Dial that up to about seventy-six and that's how he's going to handle all of this. So ... I'm kind of running panic attack interference. Easing him into it.
... Did we get a lot of other fresh meat? Obviously I totally missed the party. I was heading back from the arcade when I spotted them bringing him to the infirmary.
Whoa, so they're patching him up? That's super fucking intense, bud.
[She shakes her head, amazed at the shit this magical medical stuff can do.]
Yeah, we got a butt load of newbies. [She ticks them off on her hand.] A weird bald kid, a chick with bunny ears, a hot blonde chick, and three yummy looking guys. Oh! And I found out one of the guys is a doctor! Not like The Doctor but a legit medical doctor.
[She paused, looking at him.]
Dude. you look wrecked. Are you sleeping? When was the last time you ate?
Tell me about it. I wanted to be there while they were fixing him but they kicked me out. I royally pissed off like ninety percent of the nurses, if not all of them.
[a doctor, though, that's good. Eddie will be happy to hear that]
[in the interim, Richie realized the gravity of what was going on here. Eddie was really there. and most of his close friends knew that he carried a torch for the poor spaz with a flame a mile high. but Eddie had enough to adapt to - so he would have to hide his heart away, just as he'd done in Derry. only this was an indeterminate amount of time, not ... a few days before some monster hunting. the thought of it, of caging himself up again when he'd just gotten used to being free, turned his stomach. he bolted for the little bathroom and managed to just make it in time, not even bothering to drop to his knees before upending the scant contents of his stomach into the toilet.]
Fuck.
[he grabbed a fistful of paper towels, wiped his mouth, then splashed some water on his face just as his mirror began to buzz. as he left the bathroom, Richie glanced off-mirror at Eddie. he wasn't sure he wanted to leave him in case he woke up to see him gone and panicked. but they could sit in the hall, he figured, on the benches, and chat there. that way if anything happened or if he was called for, he'd hear. he was still a little breathless from his scramble]
[She couldn't help it, the Bad Place joke slipped out before she could help it. It was too easy.]
I'll meetcha there.
[Snapping the mirror shut, she headed for the aforementioned bench. She had two paper bags. One with food and one with a bottle of bourbon. When she saw Richie she made a face.]
Dude, did something happen? You look worse than you did twenty minutes ago.
[he sat down next to her and grabbed the brown paper bag with the conspicuously bottleneck-shaped wrinkles at the top, wrenching off the cap and taking a swig]
Oh, nothing. Just the realization that I need to move back into the closet until he stops having panic attacks over anything that moves.
Oh, she came up and told me I was a handsome bastard. I had to let her down easy and tell her I didn't swing that way.
[he passed her the bottle and started to unwrap his reuben. holy shit, that thing smelled amazing. he took a deep whiff and let it work with the bourbon to calm his nerves.]
.... Well .... that's the thing. He doesn't know I'm gay. And the others only really seemed to kind of ... guess ... after.
[he was pretty sure he didn't need to classify 'after what'.]
Swing and a miss, bud. She'd have just taken that as a challenge and tried to convert you.
[Yup. She'd seen it happen. It wasn't pretty and she'd lost a few friends that way.
She nods, taking a sip from the bottle.]
Shit, man. That's rough... So you've gotta come out to him, too? I mean... At least compared to all the other weird shit around here that should be pretty easy to swallow, right?
[he took his first bite of the sandwich while she talked, giving a sympathetic wince at the comment about her mother. y i k e s. the reuben got a little moan of approval, though, and he wiped mustard from the corner of his mouth with the back of one hand]
You'd think so? But ... I just keep thinking back to this one moment, when we were at the Chinese restaurant. After all of us got together for the first time: you know, when the fortune cookies from hell showed up? It was before that. We were all catching up ... and it came up that Eds got married. And I decided to kind of feel things out by being my usual shithead self, and said "What, to a woman?" The look on his face ...
[She let him take the bottle. He needed it more than she did, the poor asshole. It was such a shitty situation to be in. She couldn't even imagine. She gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. ]
I mean... Could it have been because you were being a shit head? Maybe it'll be different if you actually talk to him. Like real talk. So he knows you're not just fucking around like you always are.
[he had another bite of the reuben to help digest her words, too, then chased it all down with another sip of bourbon.]
I mean, I guess it could have been? I don't know. I'm really ... [he blew out a deep sigh. this was Eleanor, his BFF, the only person he really felt like he could level with about this. she was just as trashy as she was, she'd get it on some level.]
I'm actually super edgy about that. About how people react. I mean - it's to the point where I've told a couple of people here and been bracing for it. Almost wanting to hear it so I can fight back, the way I never actually got to because I was too chickenshit. But ... then I wonder, am I just listening for the offense when it's not even there?
[his train of thought came full circle, and he leaned against her shoulder.]
But this is Eddie. If he's not cool with it, for real, I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do with myself.
You might be right, there. I mean, I have a looooong history of pushing people away before they can do that to me. Those of us who've been hurt before do a lot of fucked up shit to protect ourselves from being hurt again. But there comes a time when you've gotta put yourself out there and risk being hurt.
[Eleanor thought about this for a long moment. Okay. Time to dig deep and give some serious advice here.]
Okay. Philosophically speaking, there are two versions of ourselves. The self we see in our own minds, and the self other people see. Yeah there are a lot of things from the self in our heads that we don't show other people, but that's where it gets tricky. If you're just talking about something like having a weird kink about watching people fuck while dressed like Superman and hiding inside a closet, that's something you wanna keep to yourself. But this? This is a huge part of who you are. And you're fucking owning it here, man. You're actually out and happy and being you. It's not just a part of the self in your head anymore, it's the self other people see. Kant would say you have a moral obligation to tell the truth and not keep the secret from Eddie. You're hiding that part of yourself and that's no bueno ethically speaking.
[She takes a breath, pausing to take another sip of bourbon.]
'sides. How pissed do you think he'd be if someone slips up and tells him instead of you telling him, yourself?
[while she thought, he made a decent effort at that sandwich, and managed to polish off half. it would probably go a long way toward both settling his stomach, and keeping that bourbon from going straight to his head - which, all things considered, he really didn't need. with his luck, if he got plastered right now, he'd probably go back into Eddie's room, curl up on the bed next to him, and wake him up by whispering 'hi, guess what? I'm super gay'. not good. not good. then she started getting philosophical, and he put the reuben down to listen.]
Okay, first of all, that's the first time anyone has managed to work a Rick and Morty reference into a pep talk. Gold fucking star.
[another sip of bourbon, but only a sip, not a swig. something about all of that has managed to actually calm him down a bit. the positive reinforcement about him 'owning' things here goes a long way, especially. he hadn't really thought he'd been doing that well, but if Eleanor thought so ... well, she wouldn't lie. she'd been sure to tell him on a few occasions when he looked like an idiot, already.]
Yeah, you've got a point there. But ... how do I even start with that? I mean - we just got twenty-seven years of memories back, and I'm still processing them. I've got a few months on him. How do I drop this on him without breaking his brain worse than it already is?
Hey thanks, and brownie points for catching that one.
[She holds up a hand for a high-five.]
And I don't know. I don't know the guy so I can't say when the best time would be. But... Chidi was pretty fucking neurotic and I got pretty good at dealing with him. I'd say at least wait til shit evens out a little bit. Wait til he stops flipping out about the day to day stuff.
Eddie had been thinking. A lot. Since his drunken outing with Elena he'd been taking a long hard look at himself... And at Richie.
His thinking had finally plateaued. His mind just kept spinning in place. It was time to talk to Richie.
He was dressed for the season in jeans and a fleece jacket over a polo shirt. Feeling awkward as fuck, he buried his hands deep in his pockets as he tracked down his friend.
Richie was outside the Arcade, sweeping a pile of fallen leaves away from the entrance - which he'd already closed and locked for the evening. Normally the approach of fall would have had him totally jazzed: he loved the smell of the air and the kaleidoscope of fall, as any self-respecting New Englander did. But it was coming up on the anniversary of his arrival: and he was finding he didn't like who he'd been at that point. Raw, defensive, angry.
The sound of Eddie's voice chased that all away, but the only hint that betrayed it was the gleam in his eye as he looked up and droned:
"You jump in this leaf pile and you're getting buried in it, asshole."
Eddie snorted, rolling his eyes. He didn't have as much of a fondness for fall as the other man apparently did. Between his mother basically shoving him in a bubble if he so much as looked at a falling leaf to the decided lack of foliage in New York, he didn't much care for it.
"Shut the fuck up, asshole, I'm being serious. 'sides, you think I'm really gonna jump in there? Who the fuck knows what's under those leaves."
His familiar nagging tone was tinged with amusement. The smirk tugging at the corner of his lips giving away that he wasn't being completely serious.
"Me, cuz I just swept em? It's just sidewalk." A pause. "Couple pieces of chewed up gum. ... Something someone scraped off their shoe. ... You know. Totally normal."
He grinned, abandoning the broom to its post outside the arcade door and moving towards him. "What's up? I was just about to make like a hippie and peace out."
"Chewed up gum?! That's fucking disgusting, Richie." Eddie shook his head, making a face. Gross!
But that wasn't why he was there. Focus, Kaspbrak! He shook off the gross and gave Richie a crooked smile. "Buy you a cup of coffee? Or, you know, at least find somewhere to sit down?"
"Wow, you wanna buy me a chair? That's unorthodox, but sure, I guess if you're offering." He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket so Eddie wouldn't see him fidget. As glad as he was to have some one on one time, it also put him in a frame of mind where he felt like he had to police himself just a little. It's okay to love him, a little voice reminded him, just not too much. Just be careful how you show it.
"Beep beep, dipshit." He was still laughing, though. But it was maddening trying to have an actual meaningful conversation with him. Was this a mistake?
No. No it wasn't. It was Richie. This was how he was and he knew that. He just... Had to read between the lines to get through the bullshit.
"I, uh, I've been doing a lot of thinking. About what you told me before the, uh, train station thing..." He swallowed. There was no way to start this conversation that didn't sound awkward was there...
Richie paused and made himself listen. It was a little difficult to hear once Eddie said he'd been thinking, because his heart started hammering like a master of ceremonies. But obviously this was serious, and he wanted to be there for Eddie, even if it wasn't in the capacity he really wished he could.
That lasted all of half a second, until he followed up with 'train station'. Despite having been beeped, he couldn't help it. Fear knocked his jaw loose the same way a hammer on the knee could get a doctor kicked in the face if he wasn't careful. Eddie hadn't hit a tendon: he'd hit a nerve, and a raw one at that.
"That you make a cute candy striper but that I wasn't sure about the heels?"
That did it. He growled, pressing his palms against his eyes. What the fuck was even happening anymore? He was trying to be serious and this asshole was just spouting off verbal diarrhea like he's got dysentery from the neck up.
"Richie, for fuck's sake!" He snapped, his arms falling down to his sides. "Can't you be serious for one fucking second?!" He gestured, the words spilling out in his frustration, unable to be dammed any longer. "I'm trying to tell you I want to give this a fucking shot!"
He didn't take well to being snapped at on the best of days, and being anxious made it ten times worse. When Eddie asked if he could be serious, he immediately began to blather over him, catching up to stand next to him, hands flailing. This was it. Fuck, this was it, how a friendship died, he thought, and it was going to be his fault, and he refused to let it happen.
"No, you ass, I can't! Because Jesus Christ, you fucking know that I can't take a goddamn thing serious when I'm scared, and if you're gonna drop me on my ass..."
Then what Eddie was actually saying bled through, and he stopped as abruptly as if he'd been slapped awake from a nightmare.
This was going about as well as a car crash. But maybe it was salvageable. Eddie took a breath, stopping his fluttering hands and looking at Richie.
"Shit, man. I said I'm willing to give this a shot. I..." He swallowed, suddenly feeling like his tongue was swelling up to fill his mouth. Fuck. He had to do this. Pushing through, he tried again. "I still don't know how I feel but I do know I'm closer to you than I've ever been with anyone. For fuck's sake, Richie, it's always been us and them. I don't know how long we've got here, but it's a chance for us to live without any of the bullshit back home. And... And I wanna try. I mean, we're together most of the fucking time already, right?" He punctuated his rambling with a half smile and a shrug. It wasn't his finest moment... But hopefully it was enough of an explanation for Richie.
His shock left his defenses far down, and before he could think about that, his eyes were stinging. Shit. Richie squeezed his eyes shut until the urge to cry passed, and let the relief surge over him. This was ... the exact opposite of what his brain had been trying to convince him would happen. He swallowed a couple of times, just to make sure he really had himself buttoned up, nodded a few more, then breathed in.
"Right."
There was one other way, he realized, to stop both of them from waving their hands around like coked-up Italians. He reached out and took Eddie's, giving him a shaky grin.
"We just have to live with the bullshit here, instead. ... Us and them."
Jesus, Richie looked like be was barely holding it together of course, given what they were talking about, it's possible that was true. Just watching the emotions wash over the other man was enough to put a bit of a lump in Eddie's throat, too.
Then Richie's hands were on his and his brain stopped. It was just a moment, about the length of a heartbeat. But it stopped. That... Had never happened before. His brain usually spun and looped around, looking at every angle of every situation. To have that suddenly grind to a halt, even for a moment, was a heady thing. His instinct was to pull away. Years of ingrained prejudice and fear were driving that, though, and fuck that noise. He took a breath and closed his hands around Richies', giving them a squeeze.
"Right." Silence washed over them and he suddenly felt awkward. "Soooooo what now?"
"That coffee sounds really good, actually." He gave Eddie's hands a squeeze, then let just one of them go, fully intending to hold on to the other one all the way there. It fit in his, just right, just the way he'd always imagined it would. "Other than that? We do ... the same shit we always do. Until you feel like adding in anything else."
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sforzinda
no subject
Date: 2020-03-09 12:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 02:20 am (UTC)[she catches him at the perfect moment, while Eddie's in a painkiller coma. he scoots into the bathroom and half-closes the door, so he won't wake Eds, but the he can still hear if the poor guy wakes up and calls for him]
Oh my God. I'm better than dead, I'm so much better than dead.
[he lowers his voice a little just in case]
He's here. Eddie. For real.
[even saying it out loud to someone else is making him choke up. fuck. how is he ever going to keep his stupid giant fucking heart under wraps at this rate?]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 02:36 am (UTC)When he does, her eyes get as wide as saucers and she gasps loudly, absolutely overjoyed!]
Dude, what?! Are you fucking serious?!
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 02:43 am (UTC)... Did we get a lot of other fresh meat? Obviously I totally missed the party. I was heading back from the arcade when I spotted them bringing him to the infirmary.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 02:49 am (UTC)[She shakes her head, amazed at the shit this magical medical stuff can do.]
Yeah, we got a butt load of newbies. [She ticks them off on her hand.] A weird bald kid, a chick with bunny ears, a hot blonde chick, and three yummy looking guys. Oh! And I found out one of the guys is a doctor! Not like The Doctor but a legit medical doctor.
[She paused, looking at him.]
Dude. you look wrecked. Are you sleeping? When was the last time you ate?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 03:19 am (UTC)[a doctor, though, that's good. Eddie will be happy to hear that]
Um. Sort of? And vending machines are good.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 03:26 am (UTC)Dude, you've gotta take care of yourself, too. Let me bring you some real food. What do you want.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 03:15 am (UTC)[And, true to her word, she was there in about twenty minutes... give or take. She buzzed his mirror when she got to the infirmary.]
Hey, come out here and eat, Apprentrash.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 03:46 am (UTC)Fuck.
[he grabbed a fistful of paper towels, wiped his mouth, then splashed some water on his face just as his mirror began to buzz. as he left the bathroom, Richie glanced off-mirror at Eddie. he wasn't sure he wanted to leave him in case he woke up to see him gone and panicked. but they could sit in the hall, he figured, on the benches, and chat there. that way if anything happened or if he was called for, he'd hear. he was still a little breathless from his scramble]
Yeah'kay. Benches in the first floor hallway?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 11:56 pm (UTC)[She couldn't help it, the Bad Place joke slipped out before she could help it. It was too easy.]
I'll meetcha there.
[Snapping the mirror shut, she headed for the aforementioned bench. She had two paper bags. One with food and one with a bottle of bourbon. When she saw Richie she made a face.]
Dude, did something happen? You look worse than you did twenty minutes ago.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-14 03:58 am (UTC)[he sat down next to her and grabbed the brown paper bag with the conspicuously bottleneck-shaped wrinkles at the top, wrenching off the cap and taking a swig]
Oh, nothing. Just the realization that I need to move back into the closet until he stops having panic attacks over anything that moves.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-14 04:37 pm (UTC)[Hey, man, she wasn't going to argue that. Her mom was a first class bench.
She just watched as Richie snatched the bottle and took a deep drink.]
Whoa... Yeah that's heavy shit. Do you really have to hide completely? Won't he be glad to see you happy? Even if he doesn't know why?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-14 06:25 pm (UTC)[he passed her the bottle and started to unwrap his reuben. holy shit, that thing smelled amazing. he took a deep whiff and let it work with the bourbon to calm his nerves.]
.... Well .... that's the thing. He doesn't know I'm gay. And the others only really seemed to kind of ... guess ... after.
[he was pretty sure he didn't need to classify 'after what'.]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-21 09:57 pm (UTC)[Yup. She'd seen it happen. It wasn't pretty and she'd lost a few friends that way.
She nods, taking a sip from the bottle.]
Shit, man. That's rough... So you've gotta come out to him, too? I mean... At least compared to all the other weird shit around here that should be pretty easy to swallow, right?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-22 08:45 pm (UTC)You'd think so? But ... I just keep thinking back to this one moment, when we were at the Chinese restaurant. After all of us got together for the first time: you know, when the fortune cookies from hell showed up? It was before that. We were all catching up ... and it came up that Eds got married. And I decided to kind of feel things out by being my usual shithead self, and said "What, to a woman?" The look on his face ...
[he winced, and reached for the bottle again]
I dunno, Eleanor.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-22 08:52 pm (UTC)I mean... Could it have been because you were being a shit head? Maybe it'll be different if you actually talk to him. Like real talk. So he knows you're not just fucking around like you always are.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-25 01:05 am (UTC)I mean, I guess it could have been? I don't know. I'm really ... [he blew out a deep sigh. this was Eleanor, his BFF, the only person he really felt like he could level with about this. she was just as trashy as she was, she'd get it on some level.]
I'm actually super edgy about that. About how people react. I mean - it's to the point where I've told a couple of people here and been bracing for it. Almost wanting to hear it so I can fight back, the way I never actually got to because I was too chickenshit. But ... then I wonder, am I just listening for the offense when it's not even there?
[his train of thought came full circle, and he leaned against her shoulder.]
But this is Eddie. If he's not cool with it, for real, I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do with myself.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-29 06:10 pm (UTC)[Eleanor thought about this for a long moment. Okay. Time to dig deep and give some serious advice here.]
Okay. Philosophically speaking, there are two versions of ourselves. The self we see in our own minds, and the self other people see. Yeah there are a lot of things from the self in our heads that we don't show other people, but that's where it gets tricky. If you're just talking about something like having a weird kink about watching people fuck while dressed like Superman and hiding inside a closet, that's something you wanna keep to yourself. But this? This is a huge part of who you are. And you're fucking owning it here, man. You're actually out and happy and being you. It's not just a part of the self in your head anymore, it's the self other people see. Kant would say you have a moral obligation to tell the truth and not keep the secret from Eddie. You're hiding that part of yourself and that's no bueno ethically speaking.
[She takes a breath, pausing to take another sip of bourbon.]
'sides. How pissed do you think he'd be if someone slips up and tells him instead of you telling him, yourself?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-31 12:07 am (UTC)Okay, first of all, that's the first time anyone has managed to work a Rick and Morty reference into a pep talk. Gold fucking star.
[another sip of bourbon, but only a sip, not a swig. something about all of that has managed to actually calm him down a bit. the positive reinforcement about him 'owning' things here goes a long way, especially. he hadn't really thought he'd been doing that well, but if Eleanor thought so ... well, she wouldn't lie. she'd been sure to tell him on a few occasions when he looked like an idiot, already.]
Yeah, you've got a point there. But ... how do I even start with that? I mean - we just got twenty-seven years of memories back, and I'm still processing them. I've got a few months on him. How do I drop this on him without breaking his brain worse than it already is?
no subject
Date: 2020-04-02 03:33 am (UTC)[She holds up a hand for a high-five.]
And I don't know. I don't know the guy so I can't say when the best time would be. But... Chidi was pretty fucking neurotic and I got pretty good at dealing with him. I'd say at least wait til shit evens out a little bit. Wait til he stops flipping out about the day to day stuff.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-05 08:53 pm (UTC)That's a good idea. Thanks, Trashprentice.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-25 04:36 am (UTC)[She gives him a big smile and toasts him with the bottle.]
Any time, Trashprentice. That's what friends are for.
Sometime in Early-mid September
Date: 2020-10-08 01:59 pm (UTC)His thinking had finally plateaued. His mind just kept spinning in place. It was time to talk to Richie.
He was dressed for the season in jeans and a fleece jacket over a polo shirt. Feeling awkward as fuck, he buried his hands deep in his pockets as he tracked down his friend.
"Hey, Rich? Got a second?"
no subject
Date: 2020-10-08 04:48 pm (UTC)The sound of Eddie's voice chased that all away, but the only hint that betrayed it was the gleam in his eye as he looked up and droned:
"You jump in this leaf pile and you're getting buried in it, asshole."
no subject
Date: 2020-10-08 05:06 pm (UTC)"Shut the fuck up, asshole, I'm being serious. 'sides, you think I'm really gonna jump in there? Who the fuck knows what's under those leaves."
His familiar nagging tone was tinged with amusement. The smirk tugging at the corner of his lips giving away that he wasn't being completely serious.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 03:31 am (UTC)He grinned, abandoning the broom to its post outside the arcade door and moving towards him. "What's up? I was just about to make like a hippie and peace out."
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 03:45 am (UTC)But that wasn't why he was there. Focus, Kaspbrak! He shook off the gross and gave Richie a crooked smile. "Buy you a cup of coffee? Or, you know, at least find somewhere to sit down?"
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 04:08 am (UTC)No. No it wasn't. It was Richie. This was how he was and he knew that. He just... Had to read between the lines to get through the bullshit.
"I, uh, I've been doing a lot of thinking. About what you told me before the, uh, train station thing..." He swallowed. There was no way to start this conversation that didn't sound awkward was there...
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 04:18 am (UTC)That lasted all of half a second, until he followed up with 'train station'. Despite having been beeped, he couldn't help it. Fear knocked his jaw loose the same way a hammer on the knee could get a doctor kicked in the face if he wasn't careful. Eddie hadn't hit a tendon: he'd hit a nerve, and a raw one at that.
"That you make a cute candy striper but that I wasn't sure about the heels?"
fuck.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 04:25 am (UTC)"Richie, for fuck's sake!" He snapped, his arms falling down to his sides. "Can't you be serious for one fucking second?!" He gestured, the words spilling out in his frustration, unable to be dammed any longer. "I'm trying to tell you I want to give this a fucking shot!"
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 04:33 am (UTC)"No, you ass, I can't! Because Jesus Christ, you fucking know that I can't take a goddamn thing serious when I'm scared, and if you're gonna drop me on my ass..."
Then what Eddie was actually saying bled through, and he stopped as abruptly as if he'd been slapped awake from a nightmare.
"I'm sorry," he said flatly, "come again?"
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 03:00 pm (UTC)"Shit, man. I said I'm willing to give this a shot. I..." He swallowed, suddenly feeling like his tongue was swelling up to fill his mouth. Fuck. He had to do this. Pushing through, he tried again. "I still don't know how I feel but I do know I'm closer to you than I've ever been with anyone. For fuck's sake, Richie, it's always been us and them. I don't know how long we've got here, but it's a chance for us to live without any of the bullshit back home. And... And I wanna try. I mean, we're together most of the fucking time already, right?" He punctuated his rambling with a half smile and a shrug. It wasn't his finest moment... But hopefully it was enough of an explanation for Richie.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 04:43 pm (UTC)"Right."
There was one other way, he realized, to stop both of them from waving their hands around like coked-up Italians. He reached out and took Eddie's, giving him a shaky grin.
"We just have to live with the bullshit here, instead. ... Us and them."
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 05:22 pm (UTC)Then Richie's hands were on his and his brain stopped. It was just a moment, about the length of a heartbeat. But it stopped. That... Had never happened before. His brain usually spun and looped around, looking at every angle of every situation. To have that suddenly grind to a halt, even for a moment, was a heady thing. His instinct was to pull away. Years of ingrained prejudice and fear were driving that, though, and fuck that noise. He took a breath and closed his hands around Richies', giving them a squeeze.
"Right." Silence washed over them and he suddenly felt awkward. "Soooooo what now?"
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 12:02 am (UTC)